shitty

Stress! depress!

I started off the post with such a strong, negative discription of such a bad feeling that one should not possessed. the one personality that I would like to make some improvement is 'self-esteem'. I lack it. I want it more.

My sisters and I are always fighting and arguing since we were young. It gets better as we grow mature, but still we're fighting over nonsense issues. Being the oldest one requires strong, positive attitude to make the young one respects you in which I dont have within myself.

I know my sisters love me. I love them too, but everytime we fought; I always feel as if I was not a being a good sister, that I need to grow mature and change some attitudes within me. At times I cried, eventhough we fought over stupid issues, but it is not the issues that made me cry over. Its me thinking that im not being good enough, not being the person i should be. A lot of times, I get pissed at myself for not being the person I want myself to be, for the absence of good quality in myself. comparing my attitudes to my 17-year old sister, I felt like she possess the quality that i want myself to be. that THOUGHT, I didnt have. The critical thinking. sometimes I felt as if I was a mean, narrow minded, selfish bitch. I asked myself 'why do people like my sister more that myself?', I could never find the exact answer til now, but I know it has got to do with the personality. Maybe I need to change before it is too late. God bless me. Help me through this. I need a path to follow. I know i'm more of a follower, not a leader. One day, I shall be, the leader, the good leader everyone love to follow.