Positivity cures

Be a best friend, tell the truth,and overuse i love you go to to work and do your best, never out smart your common sence, never let your prayin knees get lazy, and love like crazy!

When you do not seek or need external approval, you are at your most powerful. Nobody can disempower you emotionally or psychologically- Caroline Myss

Don't let anybody tell you, you can't do something.

You got a dream, you gotta protect it.

People can't do something themselves, they wanna tell you that you can't do it.

You want something, go get it. Period.

Energy and persistence conquer all things' - Benjamin Franklin

'Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened'

'You have to learn the rules of the game. And then you have to play better than anyone else' - Albert Einstein

'No matter how far life pushes you down, no matter how much you hurt, you can always bounce back' -Sheryl Swoopes

'Quality is not an act, it's a habit'

'The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but that we wait so long to begin it' - W.W. Lewis

'Life is partly what we make it, and partly what it is made by the friends we choose' - Tennessee Williams

'The reward of suffering is experience'

'I must learn to love the fool in me, the one who feels too much, talks too much, takes too many chances, wins sometimes and loses often, lack self-control, loves and hates and gets hurt, promises and breaks promises, laughs and cries'

'Nobody can hurt me without my permission'- Mahatma Ghandi

'if you wait to do everthing until you're sure you're right, you'll probably never do much of amything'


Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure- Marianne Williamsn

Shocking shocking shocking!

I have been busy with things lately regardless how much i complaint about not having anything to do or things to keep myself busy like other effective adults do. So, here's what happened. I decided to get the annual physical check up from Sindecuse Health Center on third of august. Pap smear, breast cancer test et cetera. While i was in the doc's office, she said that test results will be back in a week and results are expected to be fine since my first (and unprotected) sexual intercourse was three months back and there would really be no indication of abnormal cells or tissues, and HPV since these viruses would normally take up to three years to be detectable. She told me she would call me if the results came back abnormal or if there was any problems. I had no worries knowing that I have had only ONE real sexual intercourse and the chances of being infected is extremely low. Unfortunately, I received a call from the doc somewhere on the second week of August 2010 and i was told that my Pap Smear is abnormal with a HSIL, which basically means that it can turn into a cancer anytime. I was shocked, surprised, anxious, and all other feelings i don't even know how to explain. She had to refer me to Borgess women's health in portage where they have a better facility and a good gyno. I cried every night since then. It's not fair to be because i don't think i'm a bad bitch that would sleep around and because i am not. I am going to have my first biopsy/colposcopy in two days. I'm scared but i need to keep myself fresh and positive. Doc said my immune system can fight off the abnormal cells if i'm strong enough, mentality has a LOT to do with these too. She tried to calm me down because the result was really shocking. It was my first pap smear and i had it done in the right time, how can it possibly turn into the last stage of precancerous tissues?? It was the only time i had sexual intercourse with a GUY too! as bad as it may sound, there's no good getting upset, all i can do right now is to help my bod fight off the viruses. I'm going to be fine and everything is going to be alright. I live you BO! no one can hurt you without your permission!!

taking an initiative step

So its been a while...

I have not been doing anything interesting recently. All I do is wasting my time and money at the local bars and hookah lounge.

I asked myself- why? why can't I be like others? Why can't I be an optimist? Why can't I that girl that everyone around would look out for? one that would lock all the eyes when seen by others? one that knows how to have fun and provides some sort of benefits at the same time? y'know? By going to Ybar, Wayside and Hookah Lounge would not make anything better. I want to be that girl that people would look at mt and say 'She's THE girl' as known as wonder woman, super woman.

I want to quit complaining and start doing. Help. I just don't know how.

Maybe I should just pretend myself writing to to a psychiatrist. Maybe it will help.

To be continue...

S.O.S

As the title was named: SOS!!

12:55 AM 07/12/2010 My facebook status: Bo Tida is pissed at myself for reasons I don't even know.

Okay- SO here, I am going to admit- I lied. I know exactly why I was/am pissed at.

I am not satisfied with my accomplishments at all. I can do better, way better. I know I say this a lot. I know I have issues with my attitudes. I know my problems. I just need to figure out correct way to deal with these issues. Arghh, I hate this. I hate not being able to express my true self to others. I hate the fact that I could have done sooo many interesting/ amazing things/activities if I were to adjust the way I communicate. I hate knowing the problems and not being able to solve them. I hate complaining to myself. I hate being helpless. I hate seeing other people that actually has lesser opportunities than I do but they ended up at the better place where I stand. Regrets. Lots of regrets. What am i suppose to do? I wanna be that girl that is lucky in every way. I wanna be the smart, beautiful, rich, charming, famous girl. *sigh* SOS

CHEG 2960

YESSSSSSSSS! I pass this class. OH MY GOD, BIG relief! :)

BIG BIG BIG SMILE ;)

too stressful

my new cut - this was all because of Dr.Kline ( one day before the final exam)

07/05/10

As promised, I am trying to keep posting one everyday so here I am, blogging.

This might just be another useless blabbing but whatever.

Happy July 4th.

United States Independence day- :)

what I did?? I went with P'yod to watch fireworks at one of the park i don't even remember the name. It was okay.. watchable, nothing big compared to ones back home.

Today is a public holiday. So, Thais and I went to laguna beach in portage- twenty minutes from kalamazoo. and urhhh I thought we were gonna go at 4 but due to miscommunication I had to leave home unshowered. Oh god, my period came right when it's the hardest time to find a tampon. I had to walk all the way front to the ladies just to check if there was any coin operated tampon dispenser. Then I left the beach with my other thai friend.

well, now that i'm in my bedroom PMSing, i realize that i have issues. the issue that i know that has always cause me problems. I should have known better. I ignored the issue and pretend/lie to my self that it's no big deal. It's the biggest deal indeed. *sigh*

I hate myself. I need to boost up my self esteem and to make believe that I'm worth the risk, that I'm not useless and that i make differences in life. IDK, but lately i've been so upset with myself in lots of things.. Maybe I should just list this down and improve myself little by little.

So here it is:

- procastination

- socialization

- self expression

- self worth

that's all i can think as of now. I'm surprised. However, these may seem to be little but it has huge impact in my life. HUGE.

i shall come up with ways to deal and handle these issues!

07/05/10

made someone so jealous today! lol