S.O.S

As the title was named: SOS!!

12:55 AM 07/12/2010 My facebook status: Bo Tida is pissed at myself for reasons I don't even know.

Okay- SO here, I am going to admit- I lied. I know exactly why I was/am pissed at.

I am not satisfied with my accomplishments at all. I can do better, way better. I know I say this a lot. I know I have issues with my attitudes. I know my problems. I just need to figure out correct way to deal with these issues. Arghh, I hate this. I hate not being able to express my true self to others. I hate the fact that I could have done sooo many interesting/ amazing things/activities if I were to adjust the way I communicate. I hate knowing the problems and not being able to solve them. I hate complaining to myself. I hate being helpless. I hate seeing other people that actually has lesser opportunities than I do but they ended up at the better place where I stand. Regrets. Lots of regrets. What am i suppose to do? I wanna be that girl that is lucky in every way. I wanna be the smart, beautiful, rich, charming, famous girl. *sigh* SOS

CHEG 2960

YESSSSSSSSS! I pass this class. OH MY GOD, BIG relief! :)

BIG BIG BIG SMILE ;)

too stressful

my new cut - this was all because of Dr.Kline ( one day before the final exam)

07/05/10

As promised, I am trying to keep posting one everyday so here I am, blogging.

This might just be another useless blabbing but whatever.

Happy July 4th.

United States Independence day- :)

what I did?? I went with P'yod to watch fireworks at one of the park i don't even remember the name. It was okay.. watchable, nothing big compared to ones back home.

Today is a public holiday. So, Thais and I went to laguna beach in portage- twenty minutes from kalamazoo. and urhhh I thought we were gonna go at 4 but due to miscommunication I had to leave home unshowered. Oh god, my period came right when it's the hardest time to find a tampon. I had to walk all the way front to the ladies just to check if there was any coin operated tampon dispenser. Then I left the beach with my other thai friend.

well, now that i'm in my bedroom PMSing, i realize that i have issues. the issue that i know that has always cause me problems. I should have known better. I ignored the issue and pretend/lie to my self that it's no big deal. It's the biggest deal indeed. *sigh*

I hate myself. I need to boost up my self esteem and to make believe that I'm worth the risk, that I'm not useless and that i make differences in life. IDK, but lately i've been so upset with myself in lots of things.. Maybe I should just list this down and improve myself little by little.

So here it is:

- procastination

- socialization

- self expression

- self worth

that's all i can think as of now. I'm surprised. However, these may seem to be little but it has huge impact in my life. HUGE.

i shall come up with ways to deal and handle these issues!

07/05/10

made someone so jealous today! lol

Unfair Situation

Today is the fourth of July- The independence day.

So last night my friends and I went out to y-bar as usual. I t was dead empty. Not only in y bar but wayside too! I thought that it was going to be an extremely dead night but ah ahh- it was quite interesting. Some guy came up to my hot girlfriend AGAIN- ughh so typical. As for me, I was at getting my bud light lime and this SUPERFUCKINGDELICIOUS cute asian was flirting with me. Hot dame I got turned on when he touched me. I have never met a good looking asian- by asain I mean FULL asian- in fact asian american. he knew hes a yummy dish too! welll well, turned out he was GAY! I bet his good uhhhhot yummy bouncer that I checked him out, was gay too! Fuck I was so pissed. The conversation went so well and we were gonna go back but I live too far. Fuck yeah I didn't mind he was gay, I would even fuck him but he's just too chicken to come to my place and I didn't wanna go to his. Arghhhhh this just pissed me off.

07/04/10

xx

atleast he thought i was cute.

back back back

OMG, it has been almost a year since I last posted stuff in my blog. I'm lazy and I am not much into writing and stuff. I wish I have that enthusiasm that most of the girls (??) do, well atleast the girls that write. A few friends of mine are now blogging to promote themselves. (marketing) I am trying my best to atleast post something up in here once or twice a month. (hey that's a good start). I don't have much to do in the summer so I'll TRY to write more. As soon as fall comes, i'm gonna be hella busy. I can't even imagine. I major in engineering - chemical engineering specifically, that's a lot of work but it's a hundred times harder for me since I am not a smart girl, I am VERY slow at stuff. When I was young, I had trouble in class. LOTS of troubles, I had to work a lot harder than an average student does. sigh*

Speaking of studying, my grade for summer one class is coming up this tuesday at about noon. I am so excited. I know I'm gonna fail but deep down inside I pray to God to pass this exam. I don't even wanna talk about it, it is too stressful. I cried right when I walked out of the exam room. I was so emotional. I broke down and cried the whole day. I studied my ass off and if I fail this class again- I dont know. I really dont know what to do. Fuck. I shouldn't have started thinking/worrying/panicking/writing about this because I am going to have a headache in any minute- yes it is that stressful!... I need a break.

07/03/10

paid my rent today- so broke.